The photographer

The Smiths had tried for years to have a child, and not having had any luck, they decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon".

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the bell, hoping to make a sale.

• "Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to..."
  
• "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs.Smith cut in.
  
• "Really ?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."
  
  
• "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.
  
• "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out."
  
  
• "Bathtub? Living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me." "Well, Madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions, and if I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
  
  
• "I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.
  
• "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
  
• "Don't I know!", Mrs. Smith exclaimed.
  

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures." This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."

• "Oh my god!", Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
  "And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs.Smith the picture. "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
  
  
• "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
  
• "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
  
• "Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardle concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
  
  
• Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, uh ... equipment?".
  
• "That's right. Well, Madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."
  
  
• "Tripod?" Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.
  
• "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam? ...
  
• Good Lord, she's fainted!"
  
  

Indo community

WHICH CARTOON CHARACTER ARE YOU?

Ever wondered which cartoon character you are most like? Well,a team of researchers got together and analyzed the personalities of cartoon characters,and put the information gathered into this quiz. Well, not really, but this will keep you entertained for a few minutes, so get out a pen and paper and follow the instructions. Answer each question with the answer that most describes you, then add up the points that correspond with your answer.

1) What describes your perfect date?
a) Candlelight dinner for two (Add 4 points)
b) Amusement Park (Add 2 points)
c) Rollerblading in the park (Add 5 points)
d) Rock Concert (Add 1 point)
e) See a movie (Add 3 points)

2) What is your favorite type of music?
a) Rock and Roll (Add 2 points)
b) Alternative (Add 1 point)
c) Soft Rock (Add 4 points)
d) Classical (Add 5 points)
e) Popular (Add 3 points)

3) What is your favorite type of movie?
a) Comedy (Add 2 points)
b) Horror (Add 1 point)
c) Musical (Add 3 points)
d) Romance (Add 4 points)
e) Documentary (Add 5 points)

4) Which of the following jobs would you chose if you were given only these
choices?
a) Waitor/Waitress (Add 4 points)
b) Sports Player (Add 5 points)
c) Teacher (Add 3 points)
d) Policeman (Add 2 points)
e) Bartender (Add 1 point)

5) Which would you rather do if you had an hour to waste?
a) work out (Add 5 points)
b) Read (Add 4 points)
c) Watch TV (Add 2 points)
d) Listen to the radio (Add 1 points)
e) Sleep (Add 3 points)

6) Of the following colors, which do you like the best?
a) yellow (Add 1 point)
b) white (Add 5 points)
c) sky blue (Add 3 points)
d) teal (Add 2 points)
e) red (Add 4 points)

7) Which one of the following would you like to eat right now?
a) ice cream (Add 3 points)
b) pizza (Add 2 points)
c) sushi (Add 1 point)
d) pasta (Add 4 points)
e) salad (Add 5 points)

8) What is your favorite holiday?
a) Halloween (Add 1 point)
b) Christmas (Add 3 points)
c) New Year's (Add 2 points)
d) Valentine's Day (Add 4 points)
e) Thanksgiving (Add 5 points)

9) If you could go to any of the following places, which would it >be?
a) Paris (Add 4 points)
b) Spain (Add 5 points)
c) Las Vegas (Add 1 point)
d) Hawaii (Add 2 points)
e) Hollywood (Add 3 points)

10) Of the following, who would you rather spend time with?
a) Someone who is smart (Add 5 points)
b) Someone with good looks (Add 2 points)
c) Someone who is a party animal (Add 1 point)
d) Someone who has fun all the time (Add 3 points)
e) Someone who is very emotional (Add 4 points)

Now total up your points and find your character below:

(10-17 points): You are TAZ
You are wild and crazy and you know it. You know how to have fun, but you may take it to extremes. You know what you are doing though, and are much in control if your own life. People don't always see things your way, but that doesn't mean that you should do away with your beliefs. Try to remember that your wild spirit can lead to hurting yourself and others.

(18-26 points) You are Bugs Bunny
You are fun, friendly, and popular. You are a real crowd pleaser. You have probably been out on the town your share of times, yet you come home with the values that your mother taught you. Marriage and children are important to you, but only after you have fun. Don't let the people you please influence you to stray.

(27-34 points) You are Tweety
You are cute, and everyone loves you. You are a best friend that no one takes the chance of losing. You never hurt feelings and seldom have your own feelings hurt. Life is a breeze. You are witty, and calm most of the time. Just keep clear of backstabbers, and you are worry free.

(35-42 points) You are Peppe Le Pew (without the smell)
You are a lover. Romance, flowers, and wine are all you need to enjoy yourself. You are serious about all commitments. A family person. You call your Mom every Sunday, and never forget a Birthday. Don't let your passion for romance get confused with the real thing.

(43-50 points) You are Speedy Gonzales
You are smart, a real thinker. Every situation is approached with a plan.
You are very healthy in mind and body. You teach strong family values. Keep your feet planted in them, but don't overlook a bad situation when it does happen.

Indo community

How attractive are u??

Hey, try it out and see how attractive you can be to the opposite sex.

1. Which place do u want to have a travel most?
A. Beijing ........................go to q.2
B. Tokyo..........................go to q.3
C. Paris..........................go to q.4

2. Have you ever cried when u see a touching movie?
A. Yes............................go to q.4
B. No.............................go to q.3

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend still has not come after an hour of your date with him/her, what will you do?
A. wait for another 30 mins.............go to q.4
B. leave immediately....................go to q.5
C. wait until he/she comes.............go to q.6

4. Do u like to go to see a movie alone?
A. Yes................! ...................go to q.5
B. No...................................go to q.6

5. When he/she asks for a kiss in your first date,what will you do?
A. Refuse...............................go to q.6
B. light kiss on his/her forehand.......go to q.7
C. Agree and kiss him/her...............go to q.8

6. Are you a humorous person?
A. I think I am.........................go to q.7
B. I think I am not.....................go to q.8

7. Do you think you are a capable leader?
A. Yes..................................go to q.9
B. No...................................go to q.10

8. Which gender will you choose to be born if you are given a chance?
A. Male.................................go to q.9
B. Female...............................go to q.10
C. I don't m! ind.........................Type D (go straight to results below)

9. Have you ever got more than one boyfriends or girlfriends at a time
A. Yes.....................................Type B (go straight to results below)
B. No......................................Type A (go straight to results below)

10. Do you think you are intelligent?
A. Yes....................................Type B (go straight to results below)
B. No.....................................Type C (go straight to results below)


RESULTS

Type A : Congratulations! You can extremely attract the opposite sex! You possess a charming beauty in the eyes of them. You not only have a pretty figure, but also have a h! umorous and gentle personality. You should be a literate person and know how to get along with people and can allocate your time well, thus you are always popular among the opposite sex.

Type B : Quite good! You can easily attract the opposite sex, but you will not easily into the loving trap. Your humor makes them want to get along with you. He/She will be happy being with you!

Type C : Not bad! You cannot attract the opposite sex very well, but you still have something good which make them like to get along with you. You should be an honest person and have a unique view in seeing things. You are quite friendly in the eyes of your friends.

Type D : Oh! You do not attract the opposite sex. You do not have much knowledge, and not much intrinsic humane values. You are too rude to the opposite sex. Thus you are not very


Be more concerned with your character than your reputation,
because your character is what you really are,
while your reputation is merely what others think you are
***********************************************

Indo community

joke collection - 06

(joke)

A customer at Morris' Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence.

"Tell me, Morris, what makes you so smart?" "I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Morris replies ,lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant." "You sell them here?" the customer asks.
"Only $4 apiece," says Morris. The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter. "You didn't eat enough, " says Morris.
The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads.

Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry. "Hey, Morris," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!"
"You see?" says Morris. "You're smarter already."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While a Texan was busily preparing for the first day of deer hunting season, his wife started nagging that he never asked her to go along. After several hours of arguments, the wife won. That next morning they drove out to the country, and he placed his wife in a tree about 100 yards from his blind. Just as the hunter reached the blind, he heard a loud bang coming from the wife's position. As he ran up to her, he saw that she was holding her gun on a man nearby and shouting, "It's my deer! Get away from it!!
The sheepish-looking stranger just nodded slowly and said, "OK, lady..

It's your deer. Just let me get my saddle off of it!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day.

That night one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight point buck.
"Where's Henry?"
"Henry had a stroke. He's a couple of miles back up the trail."
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?"
"A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is going to steal Henry."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_____________________________________________________________________________

Indo community

joke collection - 05

A small boy walked into a police station one day and said,

• 'I've got three big brothers and we all live in the same room. My eldest brother has seven cats. Another one has three dogs and the third has a goat. I want you to do something about the smell.'
  
• 'Are there any windows in your room?' asked the officer.
  
• 'Yes, of course there are!' said the boy.
  
• 'Have you tried opening them?'
  
• 'I can't...all my pigeons would escape.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A know it all agriculture student said to a farmer:

• "Your methods are too old fashioned. I won't be surprised if this tree will give you less than twenty pounds of apples."
  
• "I won't be surprised either," said the farmer, "Actually...I would be surprised if it even gave me ten pounds of apples. This is an orange tree."
  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Helen and Amanda were discussing their busy schedules. Helen said,

• "Amanda, I must ask you something. Every day I feel incredibly run down and tired. And yet, I see you looking as fresh as a rose. I have to know: what's your secret?"
  
• "My secret? Every morning, without fail, I wake up at six o'clock sharp."
  
• "You wake up at six o'clock?"
  
• "Yes, and then I look at the clock, see what time it is, and go back to sleep for another four hours."
  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said,

• "I don't like the looks of your wife at all." "Me neither doc." said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."
  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man went to the mall this last week to buy Valentines' cards for his daughter and mother. The 50 feet of displays for hundreds of cards astounded him. He muttered out loud,

• "I wonder if they have anything for ex-wives."
  
• The clerk behind the counter said, "Oh, yes sir, they do have an 'ex-category, but they're in Sporting Goods."
  
• "Really?"
  
• "Yes sir. They're called darts."
  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A traveling salesman was driving through the country late one night when his car died. Seeing a farmhouse nearby, he knocked on the door.

• "My car broke down," the salesman explained to the farmer who answered. "Could I possibly spend the night here?"
  
• "Yes," said the farmer, "but you'll have to share a bed with my son."
  
• "Uh-oh," the salesman replied, "I must be in the wrong joke."
  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kyle and Justin were about to eat with the baby-sitter when 6 year old, kyle said,

• "You can't sit in Daddy's seat"
  
• "Daddy's not home," the babysitter replied. "Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here. Today I'm the boss"
  
• Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, "If you're the boss, you sit over there." He pointed to his mother's chair.
  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack.

• So he says, "Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
  

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

• The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed.Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
  
• She finds the manager and says: "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"...
  
• The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur."
The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but was used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary. "Could you please spell that?" she asked.
"You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e."
_____________________________________________________________________________

indo community

joke collection - 04

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other,

• "You see that Indian?"
  
• "Yeah," says the other cowboy.
  
• "Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."
  
• Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."
  
• "Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing! How do you know all that?"
  
• The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."
  
  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"How are things going?" one bee asked another.

• "Terrible," the second bee replied.
  
• "I can't find any flowers or pollen anywhere."
  
• "No problem," said the first bee. "Just fly down this street until you see all the cars. There's an outdoor bar mitzvah going on with lots of flower arrangements and fresh fruit."
  
• "Thanks!" said the second bee, buzzing off. Later the two bees ran into one another, and the second bee thanked the first bee for the tip. Then the first bee asked,
  
• "But what's that thing on your head?"
  
• "My yarmulke," the second bee replied. I didn't want them to think I was a wasp."
  
  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student,

• "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked.
  
• "I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied.
  
• "Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the dean much impressed.
  
• "No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it."
  
  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE PERFECT BREAKFAST

You're sitting at the kitchen table at breakfast.
Your son is pictured on the Wheaties box.
Your lover is pictured on the cover of PLAYGIRL.
Your husband is pictured on the milk carton.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him,

• "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!".
  
• "Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store.
  A clerk answers and Tom says,
  
• "Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?"
  
• The clerk replies,"Canned or frozen?"
  
  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The diplomat was cornered at an official function by a more-or-less attractive woman who challenged him to guess her age.
Without missing a beat, he answered gallantly, "Madam, your question presents a rare challenge for me; I cannot decide whether to say how young you must be because of your fresh beauty, or how old you must be because of your obvious wisdom."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A business man met a beautiful girl and asked her to spend the night with him for $500.

And she did. Before he left in the morning, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT." On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed a note:

Dear Madam,
Enclosed find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment I was under the impression that:
(1) it had never been occupied;
(2) that there was plenty of heat;
(3) that it was small enough to make me cozy and at home.
Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.
-------------------------------------------------------
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note:

Dear Sir,
First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlord.


_____________________________________________________________________________
indo community

joke collection - 03

A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer.

• The man says: "What's the problem, officer?"
  
• Officer: "You were going at least 75mph in what is a 55mph limit."
• Man: "No, sir, I was going 60mph."
  Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80mph." The man gives his wife a dirty look.
  
• Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken brake light."
  
• Man: "Broken brake light? I didn't know about a broken brake light."
  
• Wife: "Oh, Harry, you've known about that brake light for weeks." The man gives his wife another dirty look.
  
• Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for not wearing your seat belt.
  
• "Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
  
• Wife: "Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt." This time he turns to his wife and shouts: "Please shut your big mouth!"
  
  

At this, the officer turns to the woman and says: "Excuse me, madam, does your husband talk to you like this all the time?'' The wife replies: "Only when he's drunk."
_____________________________________________________
As is a tale, so is life not how long it is but how good it is, what matters

Indo community

joke collection - 02

A couple of Boaj hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground.

He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other Boaj whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
He gasps to the operator, "My friend just collapsed!
I think he's dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy.

I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then the operator hears a gunshot...
The Boaj says, "OK, now what?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\

DR. SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.

Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.

RONALD REAGAN:
What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook -- and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken.

What do you mean by chicken?

Could you define chicken please?

THE BIBLE:
And God came down from the heavens,
And He said unto the chicken,
"Thou shalt cross the road."
And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS:
Damn, I missed one?
_____________________________________________________
As is a tale, so is life
not how long it is but how good it is, what matters

Indo community

joke collection - 01

Two Yuppettes were shopping.

When they started to discuss their home lives, one said,

• "Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight.
  
• I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds."
  
• "Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend.
  
• "Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first."
  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, (located in the high desert an hour east of Bakersfield, California) some folks who were new to boating were having a problem.
No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22-ft. Bayliner to perform.

It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied.

After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted over to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong.
A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working order.
The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch.

So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath.
He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.

Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE TWO COW SYSTEM

• Socialism: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
  
• Communism: You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.
  
• Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.
  
• Bureaucracy: You have two cows. The government takes them both,shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.
  
• Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
  
• Corporate: You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows and then act surprised when it drops dead.
  
• Democracy: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government.
  

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A man goes to see the doctor because he has a sore throat.

The nurse tells him to take all his clothes off and sit on the bench in the hall.
The man tries to protest, but the nurse doesn't listen and just repeats the same orders then leaves the area. The man complies with her orders and joins another naked man sitting on the bench.

The man starts complaining to the man already sitting there, that he only has a sore throat and doesn't understand why he has to take all his clothes off.
The man who was already sitting on the bench nude, looks at the other man and says

"You think that's bad, I'm just here to pay my bill."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very
hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if
you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to
hear from you.
Love, Your $on
Reply from dad...
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep
even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of
kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, Dad
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SPECIAL DRIVERS LICENSE
There was a valley girl driving down the center of the road at 100 mph.
A police officer pulled her over to the side of the road. When she had
stopped, the officer asked,

• "License and Registration please."
  
• "It's okay, Officer, I have a special license that allows me to do
  this," she said smiling.
  
• "That's impossible!" The officer replied, "I've never heard of such a
  license."
  

The driver reached into her purse and handed him her license.
Astonished, the Officer said,

• "Just as I suspected. This is an ordinary license, I see nothing here that would allow you special consideration."
  
• She pointed to the bottom of the license and said, "Can you see this?
  It says so right here: 'Tear Along The Dotted Line'."
  

_____________________________________________________
As is a tale, so is life not how long it is but how good it is, what matters

Indo community

INTERESTING SCRAMBLED WORDS

DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER
DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER
SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA: When you rearrange the letters
(With no letters left over and using each letter only once): TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS

Bet your friends haven't seen this one!!!
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Indo community

"WOMEN"

Women have strengths that amaze men.
They carry children, they carry hardships, they carry burdens...
but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.

Women wait by the phone for a "safe at home call" from a friend after a snowy drive home.
Woman friends keep secrets you told them years ago and never bring them up again.
Women have special qualities about them.

They volunteer for good causes.
They are pink ladies in hospitals, they take food to shut-ins.
They are childcare workers, executives, attorneys,
stay-at- home moms, biker babes and your neighbors.

They wear suits, they wear jeans, they wear uniforms.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up for justice.

They are in the front row at PTA meetings.
They vote for the person that will do the best job for family issues.
They walk the extra mile to get their children in the right schools
and for getting their family the right healthcare.
They write to the editor, their congressmen and to "the powers that be"
for things that make for a better life.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.

They can wipe a tear, dress a wound and give a pat on the back at the same time.
They eat little so their family can have more.
They rush to school to pick up a sick child.
They stick a love note in their sweetheart's lunch box.
They do without new shoes so that their children can have them.
They go to scout meetings and chaperone class trips.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They don't make excuses for defending their family or friends.
They give a friend some money in times of trouble.
They love unconditionally.
They are loyal, honest and forgiving.
They are smart, knowing that knowledge IS power.
But, they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.
Their world consists of goodness, love and caring.
Women want to be the best for their family, their friends and themselves.

They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They get teary eyed when others do great things.
They save their anger for the unjust and the insincere.
They tell people that need to be told to straighten up their act.
They lend a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen and a voice to make suggestions.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a new marriage.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They have so much sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They can control situations that seem uncontrollable.
They can round up energy when they are tired.
They can stay up a little longer to talk to someone who needs a friend.
They will rush to be by your side when you are lonely.
They will give up their favorite TV show to help with homework or read a bedtime story.

A woman's touch can cure any ailment.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
She can make a romantic evening unforgettable.
She can bring out the best in her husband, children and friends.

A woman doesn't mind standing in the shadows.
They are not there to push, but to gently encourage.
They are cheerleaders, teachers, lovers and important in many peoples daily lives.
They can whisper a kind word, scream a loud cheer and laugh away a fear.
They can mend your broken spirit and give you back your self-esteem.
They can knit a family back together after a break-up or a loss.

Women come in all sizes, colors and shapes.
They live in homes, apartments, cabins and trailers.
They drive, fly, walk, run or email you to show how much they care about you.
They have hearts that forgive and forget injusticeand remember kindness.
They have hearts that beat with loyalty and love.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin.
They can cry and laugh at the same time.
They can be sad and hopeful at the same time.

Women do more than just give birth.
They bring joy and hope.
They each us to dream and make goals.
They give compassion and ideals.
They climb into a persons life and make everything better again.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
And all they want back is a hug,
a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with.

Women are leaders, but don't want followers.
They want people to grow into the best person they can be.
They want to touch you in a way that will make you share your goodness with others.
one touch can turn a bad day into a better one.
One extra minute of her time will make a child feel special.
One more kiss will make her beloved feel more loved.

Women have a lot to say and a lot to give.
Let us strive to listen more and to appreciate more each day!

_____________________________________________________
As is a tale, so is life not how long it is but how good it is, what matters

Indo community

Good Luck, Mr. Gorsky!

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" statement but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander,however, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.

On July 5, 1995 (in Tampa Bay, FL) while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded.

Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard.

His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbor's bedroom windows.

His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky.

As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard

Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky,

• "Oral sex!
  
• You want oral sex?!
  
• You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
  
  
  
  

Harry Prasetya, ST

getting married

One Sunday morning William burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan."

After dinner, William's dad took him aside.

"Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years..

She's a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."

William was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Dianne said yes! We're getting married in June."

Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Dianne is your half-sister too, William. I'm awfully sorry about this."

William was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news.
"Dad has done so much harm..

I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister."

His mother just shook her head.

"Don't pay any attention to what he says, dear.

He's not really your father."

Indo community

the right man in the right chair

Does your Company have a problem in recruiting the right person for the right chair? e

If yes, try this simple experiment.

Put around 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window.

Then send 2-3 candidates into the room and close it from outside.

Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours, and then analyze the situation:

~If they are counting and recounting the number of bricks

-PUT THEM IN ACCOUNTS DEPT.
~If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks
-PUT THEM IN THE ENGINEERING DEPT.

~If they are arranging the bricks in some other order

-PUT THEM IN PLANNING.
~If they are throwing the bricks at each other
-PUT THEM IN OPERATIONS.

~If they are sleeping
-PUT THEM IN SECURITY.
~If they have broken the bricks into pieces
-PUT THEM IN INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY.

~If they are sitting idle -
PUT THEM IN HUMAN RESOURCE DEPT.
~If they are clinging onto the bricks
-PUT THEM IN TREASURY.

~If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has moved
-PUT THEM IN SALES.
~If they have already left for the day
-PUT THEM IN MARKETING.

Last but not least....

~ If they are talking to each other and not a brick has moved

-PUT THEM IN TOP MANAGEMENT CELL.

"It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness."

Indo community

A BEAUTIFUL ANALOGY!

(thoughtful)

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.
As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.

They talked about so many things and various subjects.

When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said:

• "I don't believe that God exists."
  
• "Why do you say that?" asked the customer.
  
• "Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't
  exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people?
  Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither
  suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things."
  

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.
The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy,dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt.

The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber:

• "You know what? Barbers do not exist."
  
• "How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber.
  
• "I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"
  
• "No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did,there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards,like that man outside."
  
• "Ah, but barbers DO exist! " answered the barber. "What happens, is,people do not come to me."
  
• "Exactly!"- affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."
  
  
  

Indo community