ENTERING THE ATTIC

(relationship) By Dennis and Barbara Rainey,
Moments Together for Couples

Did you know a husband and wife can help each other sort through theattic of the past?

Sue and Rich dated and fell in love during college. Soon they were engaged, and then married. Although Sue had shared many things openly as they dated, Rich had no idea how the lack of her father's unconditional approval had shaped her self-image and influenced her life.

When Sue was a young girl, her militaristic father inspected her bedroom every Friday evening. In preparation, she would balance one chair on another to dust the tops of the window and door facings, which her father routinely examined.

All other required work was scrutinized just as intently. Once she was grounded for two weeks for missing two sprigs of crabgrass when she weeded the lawn. When Sue was 11, she was told to take two cases of soft drinks down the basement stairs. She could barely manage to pick them up, but she did.

Halfway down, she tripped and fell head over heels to the concrete floor. She was lying in the midst of broken glass when her father jerked her up and, without inquiring about her well-being said, "You dummy, I told you not to drop them!"

Not surprisingly, Sue had an impoverished self-image. At times,during marriage, her insecurity surfaced in the form of emotional withdrawal. Rich was often caught off guard, but he encouraged her to tell him about her experiences. He rarely said, "You shouldn't feel that way."

He remained committed to helping her resolve, and not repress, her feelings about her parents. As a result, Sue now feels loved and valued by God and Rich. She is learning to forget what lies behind, to reach what is ahead.

Shared by Joe Gatuslao – Philippines