joke collection – 29

Lost Purse
As the bus pulled away, Cathy realized she had left her purse under the seat. Cathy
called the company to report her lost purse. Later that day at the main office, she was
relieved that the driver had found her bag.

When they brought it out for her to inspect,several off-duty bus drivers surrounded her. One man handed Cathy the pocketbook, two typewritten pages and a box containing the contents of her purse.

"We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained. "I think you'll
find everything there."

As she started to put her belongings back into the pocketbook, the man continued,
"I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit
everything into your purse. And we'd like to see just HOW you do it."

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. "Darling," he says. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph. The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55. He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently. Up goes the speed to 60. "I want the car, too," he continues. The speed is now 65 mph. "And!" he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat."

The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete flyover. This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?" The wife at last replies --in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need," she says. "Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"
Just before they slam into the wall at 80 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles. "The airbag."

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Be more concerned with your character than your reputation,
because your character is what you really are,
while your reputation is merely what others think you are


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