joke collection – 17

MEN NEVER LISTEN
On a flight to Chicago, a man had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. The flight attendant noticed the his predicament.

"Sir, she said, "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."

The man did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW,WA,PP,and a red one labeled ATR. Who would know if he touched them? The man couldn't resist. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.

What a nice feeling,he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this. Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button.

A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy. Next thing he knew he was in a hospital.

As soon as he opened his eyes a nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face. "What happened?!" he exclaimed.
"You pushed one too many buttons," replied the nurse.
"The last button marked ATR was an Automatic Tampon Remover.
Your penis is under your pillow."

Old Couple and Doctor
A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office.

• The doctor asked,"What can I do for you?"
  
• The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
  The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said,
  
• "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them $50.00 This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
  
• Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
  
• The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare!"
  

Space Mountain
A seven-year-old little girl was excited when she went to Disney World for the first time. She headed straight for Space Mountain. Her parents were worried that the roller coaster would be too scary for her, but she insisted. To her delight, she rode it twice.

The next year the family returned to Magic Kingdom, and the little girl, now eight, again raced to Space Mountain. As they stood in line, though, the little girl was soberly studying the signs that warn about the ride's speed.

• "Dad," she said, "I don't think I want to go."
  
• Her dad asked her why she would be nervous when she had enjoyed herself last time.
  
• She replied, "This year I can read better!"
  
  

Payback Time
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off. Written in large black letters was the sentence.
"Get well quick..... from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."

At The Auction
A man bid on an exotic parrot at an auction. He really wanted the parrot, so he continued to bid higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid. As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk.

• I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"
  
• The auctioneer replied, "Don't worry, he can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
  

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Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet.
Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

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