joke collection – 15

joke of the day

Gone To Glory
After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter bomb blast at Tora Bora, Osama makes his
way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.

• "How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Washington, slapping Osama in the face.
  
• Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the Americans' liberty,so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama in the nose.
  
• James Madison comes up next and says, "This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!" He drops a large weight on Osama's knee.
  

Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James Monroe, and sixty-five other people who have the same love for liberty and America.

As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged.

As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams, "This is not what I was promised!"

An angel replies, "I told you there would be seventy-two Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?"

fascinate
A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

• Marta said, "My family went to the Louisville Zoo, and it was fascinating to see all the animals."
  
• The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate.'" Sarita raised her hand.
  
• She said, "My family went to the Cincinnati Zoo and I was fascinated by the animals."
  
• "That's good, too," said the teacher, "but I wanted the word 'fascinate." Little Billy raised his hand.
  

The teacher hesitated because Billy was noted for his bad language, but surely he couldn't damage the word "fascinate," so she called on him. Billy said proudly, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her breast are so big she can only fasten eight."

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beware of dog!
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying,

• "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless
  old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.
  
• He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"
  
• "Yep, that's him," he replied.
  

The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

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From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die
I want you to marry Mr Drone."
"Drone! But he is your enemy!"
"Yes, I know that! I've suffered all these years, so let him suffer now."
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The solutions are all simple after you have arrived at them.
But they are simple only when you know what they are.

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