joke collection – 14

WHY SOME CALL US ANIMALS......
We work like a horse.
We eat like a pig.
We like to play chicken.
You can get someone's goat.
We can be as slippery as a snake.
We get dog tired.
We can be as quiet as a mouse.
We can be as quick as a cat.
Some of us are as strong as an ox.
People try to buffalo others.
Some are as ugly as a toad.
We can be as gentle as a lamb.
Sometimes we are as happy as a lark.
Some of us drink like a fish.
We can be as proud as a peacock.
A few of us are as hairy as a gorilla.
You can get a frog in your throat.
We can be a lone wolf.............
But I'm having a whale of a time!

visit from pastor

• A pastor decided to visit his church members one Saturday.
  
• At one house it was clear to the pastor that someone was home, but nobody came to the door.
  
• The pastor knocked several times and finally took out his card and wrote on the back: Revelation 3:20 - "Behold, I stand at the door and knock.
  
• If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and dine with him and he with me."
  
• The next day the card showed up in the collection plate.
  
• Below the pastor's message was another scripture passage. Genesis 3:10 - "
  
• I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked and I hid myself."
  
  

simple operation
A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation.

• A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"
  
• He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'"
  
• "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"
  
• "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!!"
  

______________________________________________________________
Life is a book in volumes three-- The past, the present, and the yet-to-be.
The past is written and laid away, The present we're writing every day,
And the last and best of volumes three , Is locked from sight -- God keeps the key.

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