joke collection – 169

First Day of College
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, "How much for a season pass?"



Doctor's Advice
An 80 year old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with the stethoscope, he began muttering, "Oh oh!"

The man asked the doctor what the problem was. "Well," said the doc, "you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke?"

"No," replied the man.
"Do you drink in excess?
"No." replied the man.
"Do you have a sex life?"
"Well, yes, I do!"

"Well," said the doc, "I'm afraid with this heart murmur, you'll have to give up half your sex life."

Looking perplexed, the old man asked, "Which half...the LOOKING or the THINKING?"



Bridal Registry
A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry. It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change something on her registry at least once (dishes, color of towels, etc.).


The Customer Service Representative told her that J.C. Penney would be happy to make the change. He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the linens.

The bride said, "No, keep all that. I just wanted to change the name of the groom."



Be more concerned with your character than your reputation,
because your character is what you really are,
while your reputation is merely what others think you are
***********************************************
indo community