joke collection – 170

Confused
Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls," and would his mother, "please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this."

So Johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door. "First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse..." So he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.

"Ok, now take off my skirt..." and he takes off her skirt. "Now take off my bra..." which he does. "And now, Johnny, please take off my panties." And when Johnny finishes removing those, she says, "Johnny,PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!"


The Golfer's Accident
A pro golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.

"I have some good news and some bad news." says the surgeon.
"The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"

"Oh god no!" cries the man. "My career is over! Please Doc,what's the good news?"

"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm! I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant"

"Go for it doc" says the man. "As long as I can play golf again."

The operation went well and 6 months later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.

"Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon.

"Just great" says the business man. "I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved."

"That's great." said the surgeon

"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors"

"Unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a success."

"Well there is one problem," said the golfer, "every time I try to masturbate I get a headache!"


Be more concerned with your character than your reputation,
because your character is what you really are,
while your reputation is merely what others think you are
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