trouble finding the perfect partner

(relationship) by Susie and Otto Collins

"Why some singles seem to have so much trouble finding their 'perfect' partner..."

A single woman wrote to us recently and wondered when that "perfect" man for her would show up.
We're certain that many men who get this article are also living with a similar question. Our answer to this question could also very easily apply to people in committed relationships who find themselves distant and disconnected from their partners.

Whether you're single or someone that is in a committed relationship who doesn't have the kind of relationship that you want, we suggest that the first question that you ask yourself is "What is it that I really want in a relationship?" "What are my conscious and unconscious intentions for a relationship."

We'd like to tell you one woman's story and what she discovered. Pat is a single woman who is very attractive,has been in and out of several relationships, and would like to find her "perfect" mate. In the past year, she attracted a wonderful man into her life but the relationship seemed to fizzle out because he didn't have time for her.


She wondered what had happened until she remembered that her original intentions for a new relationship were that she did not want a "24/7" relationship and she wanted plenty of time and room for her friends and family.

She got exactly what she had intended but experienced a great deal of pain and sadness as the relationship was ending. She truly did feel a soul connection with this person and discovered that she wanted more time than this man could give her.

She now understands how powerful her intentions are and is re-examining her intentions for future relationships. Here's another story to show you how people unconsciously create barriers between what they say they want and what they are actually creating in their lives.

Otto used to work with a man named Bill who had been in some serious relationships, a couple almost culminating in marriage, and is currently single.

Otto found an inconsistency between what Bill said he wanted in a relationship and what he was really committed to having. When Bill told Otto about the house he was getting ready to buy, Bill said that a single woman had previously owned the home and that although it was small, the home fit his needs
perfectly. He said he wanted to live in it for a long time.

Because Bill bought what was essentially a one-person house and because he said he wanted to live in it for a long time, he was unconsciously intending that there would be physical and perhaps emotional distance between himself and a future partner.

Right now, Bill seems to be unconsciously committed to being single and that's okay if that's what he consciously wants. If you don't have that relationship that you want in your life or if your relationships aren't what you would like them to be,here are some questions that might give you some powerful insights into how you can create what you want.

1. Take some time to discover what you want this relationship to look like and feel like. If you've done this before, take some time and write it out again with a new sense of possibility. Discover what your conscious and unconscious intentions are for your life and for your relationships. Look for any inconsistencies.
   
2. The next question we would invite you to consider is--
   "What is holding me back from having the relationship that I want in my life?"
   
   This does not mean that you "blame" yourself or beat yourself up for not having it but rather that you empower yourself to open to the possibility that you are able to create your life the way you want it to be.
   
   Is fear holding you back? It might be fear of "failing" one more time at relationships. It might be that you think you don't deserve to be happy because of your weight or because you aren't pretty or handsome enough or because you grew up on the "wrong side of town."
   
   Examine the beliefs that might be holding you back and know that your past does not have to equal your future and that you can choose to do it differently.
   
   
3. Another question that we would ask is "Is there room for the type of relationship that I want in my life?"
   If the answer is "no," discover ways you can begin to make room for what you want in your life. You may need to explore adjusting your work schedule to make more time for social opportunities or you may need to look at other obligations that are filling your life.
   
   It's been our experience that we always get what we are committed to having in any part of our lives. Our relationships are no different.
   
   

Be more concerned with your character than your reputation,
because your character is what you really are,
while your reputation is merely what others think you are
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indo community