Using Common Sense with Difficult People

(relationship) Lyndia Flanagan

Do you find yourself encountering more and more people who are uncompromising, overbearing, resentful,uncooperative, manipulative or just plain pushy?


Whether you are dealing with angry patients,overworked office staff, curt insurance representatives or aggressive salespersons, each situation challenges your communication skills and your patience. As the level of stress rises in health care (and elsewhere), the frequency of such encounters is also likely to increase.

Judging from the volume of books and workshops on the subject, dealing with difficult people is a growing concern for everyone. If you have been exposed to any of the literature on this subject, you know there are a variety of tools for pinpointing personality types and intricate plans of action for dealing with certain behaviors.
For example, using a scale that measures whether a particular individual seems to be direct or indirect, supportive or nonsupportive, you would assign to that person such labels as Sherman tank, sniper, time bomb,stone wall or complainer Ä or you could use animal names like bull, fox,eagle, peacock and dove.

Each identifier conveys a set of behaviors and a corresponding plan for dealing with that type of individual. But when an irate patient is sitting in your exam room or a weary receptionist confronts you in the hallway, do you really have the time to do such analysis and implement a whole set of strategies? Fortunately, there is a simpler solution.

If you want to foster effective communication with difficult people, first realize that you only have control over your own behavior. You can't control how someone else acts, but you can influence to some degree how they respond to you. Often, the key is to set an example. In other words, don't tell someone to calm down Ä model calmness.

When dealing with difficult people, it is also important to accept the fact that two-way communication is probably not part of their agenda. When you first encounter someone who feels angry or upset, it's sometimes hard to get a word in; then,when you do finally have the opportunity to speak, the individual seems unwilling to listen. Does this sound familiar?

Try drawing difficult people into constructive dialogue by using the following tactics:
Get the individual's attention. Lower your voice, move so the person must turn in your direction, encourage him or her to sit down. If you are talking on the phone, sit down; your voice is more apt to sound calm if you are sitting rather than standing.

Be patient. Allow time for the individual to blow off steam. Don't argue. Instead, ask questions. Make the individual choose between a two-way conversation or a one- sided debate.

Once you've established a dialogue, let your counterpart know that you are listening and that you are trying to understand. Maintain eye contact. Show concern for his or her feelings. Pay close attention. Repeat or paraphrase some of what you hear. Modeling effective communication will improve the quality of your interactions with everyone, including difficult people.

Lyndia Flanagain is senior editor of Family Practice Management.