joke collection – 123

fresh blood, family tree, new location

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the vampire bats saw and smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted,until finally he gave in. "OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of excited, blood-thirsty, bats behind him down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him, eager and frenzied.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, yes..." the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good," said the first bat, "Because I bloody didn't!"
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Many many years ago when I was twenty three,I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter Who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, And soon the two were wed.


This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life. My daughter was my mother, For she was my father's wife. To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy. I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy.


My little baby then became A brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, Then that also made him brother To the widow's grown-up daughter Who, of course, was my step-mother.


Father's wife then had a son, Who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, For he was my daughter's son. My wife is now my mother's mother And it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, She's my grandma too.


If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, It simply drives me wild. For now I have become The strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!!
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A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,...."Rest in Peace." The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.


After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,...'Congratulations on your new location!'"



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