joke collection – 145

M&M, even better, second best

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter,the princess. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood, stone, anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.


The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured." The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.


The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a sword of the finest steel. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.


The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed.


The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!!


The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

• Question: What was in the prince's pants?
  
• M&M's of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
  
• What were you thinking you pervert?
  

Paul got a part time job at the Post Office. The first assignment his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail. Paul separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur. Extremely pleased by this, the supervisor approached Paul at the end of his first day.

• "I just want you to know," the supervisor said, "that I'm very pleased with the job you did today.
  
• You're one of the fastest workers I've ever had."
  
• "Thank you, Sir" said Paul, beaming, "and tomorrow I'll try to do even better."
  
• "Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. "How can you possibly do any better than you did today?"
  
• Paul replied, "Tomorrow I'm going to read the addresses
  

Steve wasn't feeling well and so he went to the doctor to get himself checked.
After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well, Steve, based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out all sweets and fatty foods, give up alcohol, and stop smoking." "To be honest with you, Doc," said Steve, "I don't deserve the best.
What's the SECOND best?"

______________________________________________________________
It's good to have money and the things that money can buy,
but it's good, too, to check once in a while and make sure
that you haven't lost things that money can't buy.


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