joke collection – 142

meaning of our english

TRANSLATING WOMEN'S ENGLISH

Yes = No.
No = Yes.
Maybe = No.
We need = I want
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead.
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
You're so.. manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about??
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like.

TRANSLATING MEN'S ENGLISH:

I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
I love you = Let's have sex now

I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
What's wrong = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
I love you, too = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you in the next ten minutes.
Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me


*Wayan Scoob*